i remember that it hurt looking at her hurt

#I remember that it hurt looking at her hurt how to

My road was busy today, cars running up and down the street. I felt a little bit disappointed at that. It was the 14th of January 2006, three twelve pm. I saw her close her eyes and ask him to stop. It was as if I had been told I would never die. I could not explain the anger I felt when he did that to her. What happened next I was not expecting, but she was. I saw her cower in terror as he stood over her. He looked at her and walked into the kitchen, with me watching his every move. I had expected him to walk away, as he usually does but he didn’t. My sister’s eyes wondered ever so slowly to look at him. Not looking at anything in particular, but just thinking. We were both standing in silence in our spots. It was as if she was waiting for something. I could see her from my chair, she was continually looking to me, and away again. I was still as the dining table while my sister cleans up.

It was an unusual feeling, but I made a point to ignore it. It was as though I wanted her to stop me. I was always hoping that she would never stop me, but she always did.īut it seems, ever since my last attempt, I had been dreading that day. We looked at each other for a while, and I had come to the conclusion that she would once again try to stop me today. Her face was curious, wondering, but something felt off. I could see her look at me from across the table her eyes were wondering that day, they weren’t as dull as they were every other day. Today was a Saturday I wanted it was a school day. I had looked at the small alarm clock beside me. As straight as a stick, no dreams, nothing. I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt I just sat there with her and held her hand as we sat there together. I couldn’t really come up with a response to that. “Tomorrow there will be no snow storms, and the bath tub has been removed because of pluming problems.” The screen is black but we both stare at it, as if our thoughts are on the television. We sit together in front of the television. I hope that tomorrow, she leaves me to fall into death’s arms. It is the 13th of January 2006 the day before my mother’s anniversary of death. I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt. This time my sister took me out of the bath and cleaned me up. I was once again admitted to hospital.Īt sixteen years old I was once again found in the bathtub in my house, on the 14th of January 2005. I had lay down in the snow and made a small snow angel whilst the wind harshly pulled at my skin. I did not.Īt thirteen years old, again on the 14th of January 2002, I sat outside my house wearing a singlet and shorts. At ten years old they asked me to go into counselling. So I tried, but I was found by my sister in the bath. Who would be jealous of death taking a life before he took mine? Certainly not anyone who was normal.Īt ten years old, on the 14th of January 1999, I decided I wanted to die. I was seven years old and was jealous of my mother passing before I did. People had expected me to mourn and to cry, but I did not cry. My mother passed away when I was seven years old. Unaware of the pain and hurt that surrounded me. Even if they do not know what specifically they expect from you it is still better to show you are trying to find a path forward.I Remember That It Hurt, Looking At Her Hurt. If you feel “stuck,” be direct about that feeling to those you hurt.The more direct you are with others the more direct they will be about what they expect from you moving forward. Use clear statements to those you hurt showing that you know what you did, how it impacted them, and how you will have to face the consequences.Make clear to yourself and others that you are doing everything possible to learn from your mistakes.That includes finding ways to make up for problems your mistakes caused. Focus on what you can do “right now” to make things better.

Admit to yourself and others what you did and find every way you can to make things better. Allow yourself to feel bad but also remind yourself that the only way you are going to make things better is to focus on moving forward. Own up to your mistakes and do not hide from them.

#I remember that it hurt looking at her hurt how to

Results of comparative psychology research across species on guilt and remorse support some good suggestions for how to deal with our mistakes: